Time has gone by so quickly… For Christmas, my dad & I
drove back to KS and got to spend it with my mom and brother. It was wonderful
to see them. It was also very special, as Joe had one week left before leaving
for the United States Marine Corps. Which he did on Jan. 2nd around 7pm!! Now
he’s at Basic Training- he’ll be there for the next 13 weeks! And will graduate
in the beginning of April!
On another note… There have been some very neat people that
I’ve met here at the Lodge. One of them being Sandy. My friends met her while
they were here, before I even did. And from that point she wanted to be friends
with me. She’s already gone through surgery and chemo to treat breast cancer;
and is now finishing up with radiation. She is so upbeat & outgoing! It
makes a huge difference to have those kind of people around! We baked and decorated
xmas cookies & we also had treatment at the same time each day.
Since coming back from KS, the daily routine for me has
changed a lot just in the times of waking, eating, etc. When I say that, I mean
to say; I’ve definitely been sleeping in & more naps! This means later
dinners, sometimes as late as 8:30pm. Haha! I say this to introduce you to two
really neat sisters who always were in the kitchen eating around that time!
They’re from Germany. The sister who is here to take care of the other,
actually still lives in Berlin and is just here to help her sister as she goes
through treatments. She says that Berlin is a very ‘rough’ place to live
comparing it to the US where we all greet each other with hello and how are you.
The other night she did the funniest thing! She was playing with garbage
disposal, just turning it on as she liked the noise it made. She did this
several times saying they weren’t too common in Germany. She also wanted to
name the garbage disposal. Her sister came up and said, “Here, it works better
with water running.” But she was not receptive to the advice at all, haha, so
here she was with no water running; just turning the disposal on & off just
for heck of it. Haha- it was just funnier since I’ve gotten to know them and
their senses of humor. The lady who is here for treatment, has twice handed me
a penny that she’s found randomly on the sidewalks; saying it’s good luck if
you find the penny and then hand it off.
I am definitely thankful that this time at Mayo has not
seemed to have been drawn out. There are many people here at the Hope Lodge, who are going through
a lot of uncomfortable side effects associated with chemo and depending on
where their radiation is being delivered (for example-this one man has throat
cancer, so radiation to that area of the body makes it sooo hard to swallow!). When
I was talking to one of the German sisters, she said to me: “You have good luck
with in your bad luck.” She was saying, yes even though it’s not the most ideal
situation to have a brain tumor, but at least it is not affecting motor skills
and speech etc. This is so true! At least the ways in which the tumor has
affected me are not in ways that interfere with daily functions of walking,
listening, vision, or speech; it’s not like I will need to be on disability. So
yes there is definitely some good luck within the bad luck; but it doesn’t
negate that this has and will change life in the future in ways. I guess this
is where the saying, “Just take it one day at a time” definitely comes in. Those
sayings along with others can be hard to hear, just as I want to know how
everything will be in the future. “Live each moment to the fullest,” “Day by
day- take it as it comes.” There’s even a Bible verse that states, “Therefore
do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has
enough trouble of its own.” Matt. 6:34
I feel like I have been able to ‘live in the moment’ a
little bit more- in trying to follow the advice of the above listed sayings. It’s
just hard to not think/worry about tomorrow and want to plan. To be honest it’s
just harder not having the feeling of security that it will all pay off; when
in this part of life at my age where it seems that everything you do in the
here and now can and will have an impact on the future. I just got very
caught up in trying to be really productive throughout this past summer and
fall semester in regards to trying to move ahead in the field of nursing; to
the point of being counterproductive at points in time. There’s definitely a
balance to be found in working towards the future, but then enjoying the here
and now. One of my friends said it like this: Life is a journey, not a
destination. The thought has crossed my mind in the past, “Okay- once this happens in life,
then it will be better,” once I graduate from college, once I am on my own,
once I am a nurse, once I meet my man then life will be set, etc. Yes these are
major landmarks in life, but it’s important to enjoy the process! I guess after my surgery, I almost felt like I had to be productive
every moment; as I felt lucky to be able to do so after my surgery.
One thing that has helped a bit with enjoying the here &
now, is Mindfulness Meditation. One of the Mayo staff recommended it to me. I’ve
gone to it a few times, as Mayo offers it every Wednesday evening. It’s just
where you focus on what you are feeling in that very moment, the sensations of your
body as you are sitting, focusing on your feet touching the ground, and moving
up to your breathing and your thoughts as they come and go. Acknowledging your
thoughts, not judging them and saying that you will think about that later; and
then redirecting your focus to your breathing. I think I liked it the best when
the guy who led it, said to picture the waves on a beach coming up onto the
shoreline and then back into the ocean; in comparing that to our breathing.
Another way of doing mindfulness meditation, is sitting there peacefully, eyes
closed, taking deep breathes in & out; thinking of a loved one & ‘sending’
warm kind thoughts to that person. And then you redirect those thoughts toward
yourself. That one was a bit different for me; so I later changed it to using a
bible verse and saying it to myself like 2nd Cor 5:17-19.
I lost a nice chunk of hair on the left side of my head
& now hair on the on the right side of my head is starting to thin out a
bit r/t the radiation. Blasted cucumbers! Oh well, it shall grow back (:
I haven’t been faithful to my nursing studies since like
week 2 or so of being up here… Ughh! But I spoke with my Human Body instructor from KSU, and
I’ll be able to audit this class this Spring of 2012! She also said that I
could go to the peer tutor groups that meet once a week. I’m soo excited, as
this class is amazing to say the least. Hopefully it will work out to audit
some of the Spanish classes that I’ve already taken at KSU as well.
Lastly—yesterday I got to ring the bell, as we finished up
treatment!!!!!!!! Woo hoo! I was supposed to have had my last treatment on
Monday, the 9th, verses this past Friday. But my doctor, said we
could do two tx’s in one day as long as they were 6 hours apart. My first one was at
8:15 am, (Sandy had her treatment at 8:30 as it was Friday and she get's to go home each weekend, so she schedules Friday tx's earlier), so after her tx, we posed by the bell
together; as she wasn’t going to be able to come see me ring it at 2:30 in the
afternoon. She’ll be done with treatment on Jan. 10th!!
So in 4-6 weeks
or possibly in 2 months, I’ll come back to Mayo for a follow up MRI to see how
the tumor responded to the radiation, as my oncologist put it.They'll be mailing me the wonderful appointment schedule soon. Oh joy (:
Thank you for reading! And thank you for your prayers! The love & support of family and friends and fellowship with God and others; as well as so much more has made such a difference! And last but not least my dad being up here with me; supporting me, giving me space- cooking & setting a wonderful example in gym time, encouraging talks, and going into treatment with each day and helping them get me set up on the table for radiation & lots more.
P.S. I get to take home the mask used each day for tx, haha! It's gonna be a sweet Halloween costume for next year!!
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